Thursday, 28 June 2007

Invasion of the rubber duckies...

I will not attempt to keep up with today's cabinet appointments - I'm sure Gordon's government will contain an eclectic mix of steadfast sensibles like Jack Straw and Alistair Darling and young stars such as David Milliband and Alan Johnson (along with the possibility of a couple of cross-party surprises). I did, however, do a little mental jig on hearing that two of Blair's most unbodacious babes won't be returning to the cabinet - bye Patricia, bye Margaret.

Despite her overbearing, school ma'am tones it's been rather hard for anyone to take Patricia Hewitt seriously over the past months. Heckled by nurses and hated by doctors, she has presided over mountains of red tape, debt, disease and dissent. She was a thoroughly misguided steward of our health service and she knew it, tendering her resignation before Brown could get to her. The best executive decision she has made this year.

Margaret Beckett was seen crying in the Commons yesterday as Mr Tony Blair gave his last speech as Prime Minister. Who says they were tears of sadness? I'd be more inclined to believe she was gushing with relief, seeing her impending sacking on the horizon: "Thank God you're off Tony, I can get the hell out of here". After her DEFRA debacle, ruining the livelihoods of numerous farmers, Mrs Beckett went on to be one of our most undistinguished Foreign Secretaries in recent memory. Ta ta, then.

Around 30,000 plastic ducks are bobbing their way happily towards our shores as I type...US Oceanographer Curtis Ebbesmeyer has been tracking the ducks since they were dumped into the Pacific during a storm 15 years ago. The "friendly floatees" have spent years surfing the world's currents, navigating Japan, America and the Arctic, soon to hit the UK. Pretty plucky if you ask me...Ok, so its not a BMW (re: Napoli shipwreck) but I wouldn't say no (I'd find any excuse to fly Virgin, you get mini-ducks!). Beachcombers lucky enough to spy one can claim a £50 award from the manufacturer. Alternatively they sell to collectors for ten times that amount. But I implore you, don't let these fearless fowl end up in the hands of profiteers, stick them back in the drink and let them roam our seas forevermore.

A woman in Cumbria has escaped jail after racking up £8,000 damages against her partner. Fed up with her fiance's boozing and laziness, Emma Thomason bundled Jason Wilson's possessions into his white van and sent it into the harbour at Whitehaven (presumably whilst he was down the pub). Women, eh? Any interesting revenge incidents out there?

4 comments:

James said...

I'm not sure Mrs Beckett was relieved to be going. Apparently she was very fond of her foreign secretary job.

Quite how has this oceanographer managed to track these ducks for 15 years? I'm assuming there not tagged as they were dumped during a storm.

No personal revenge incidents to talk about as I'm too nice (honest) to seek revenge or have revenge inflicted on me. As for other examples I think the classic must be the testicle attack see:

http://linkger.com/c3c00b

Jenny! said...

I have never heard of the duck thing...that's kind of neat...I would love to be the one tracking them...or maybe not...that would get a bit dull!

Em said...

James: As far as Beckett goes I was being sarcastic.

Um, there were thousands of the ducks and they've been turning up everywhere - he just followed the current patterns I think...

Em said...

For once I'm happy to have the female anatomy....Jesus, she must have really given it some welly...Ouch! That poor guy...:(