Oh that's soooo gay....

Newly appointed minister for schools Kevin Brennan had declared war on play ground bickering...

The word "gay" has multiple meanings and kids often use it in the context of something being rubbish or unfashionable as opposed to homosexual. Even when the word's thrown about in relation to sexuality it's rarely said with much malice or conviction (that sort of sentiment is expressed in other, more distasteful, phrases).

This widespread habit used to get right up my nose. Why say "gay" in particular, I'd fume...Just because some kid's got a naff brand sport bag or uncool shoes doesn't make them "gay"...Why can't kids use the English language in the right context? My anger has now been replaced by apathy as more and more adults use the word in regards to something that is unfair or undesirable (and they, more than children, are aware of the implications of labelling somebody as gay).

I agree with Mr Brennan's drive to stop kids using this word in such a casual way but not because I think they are using it with any derogatory forethought but because it's a lazy, inappropriate use of the English language (that has the potential to foster homophobia).

He himself says: "This is too often seen as harmless banter instead of the offensive insult that it really represents".

Homosexual people are quite happy with the term gay being used to describe their sexual orientation (in fact, like black people reclaiming the word "nigger" gay people have made a good show of mastering once derogatory terms to express their pride and self confidence) - it's usually heterosexuals who see the term as an offensive insult, as an affront to their normalcy.

On another controversial note, a doctor is is currently on trial by the General Medical Council after administering lethal drug doses to two dying babies.

In 2005 Dr Michael Munro injected two premature infants with pancuronium and morphine. In each case the children were in their final stages of life after their parents had agreed to withdraw care. In effect Dr Munro performed ethanasia, hastening their deaths in order to shorten their acute suffering.

Neither couple protested at Dr Munro's conduct however it does not help the doctor's profile that he chose not to report his actions in the children's medical records.

Summarising the defendant's argument Andrew Long told the GMC: "Dr Munro admits his conduct was outside accepted professional practice, but Dr Munro does not accept it was inappropriate, contrary to guidelines or below the standard expected of a medical practitioner."

Hang the Hippocratic oath - if there was nothing I could do to save my terminal newborn child I would rather it died in a quick deep sleep instead of gasping for air. What would you do?

What will you spend your money on this weekend?

I'm the first to admit that I'm a useless ambassador for the fairer sex - I fart, belch, swear (classy bird, me), occasionally have a pint and watch the footie, enjoy scary movies, play violent video games etc....The list goes on.

But I'm not totally bereft of femininity. I also drink silly cocktails (as long as its got an unbrella I'm happy, sparklers are a bonus), like shoes, occasionally wear floral prints, get broody, like small fluffy animals and enjoy getting down on the dance floor. But there are a couple of things I don't get about (white) women - the compulsion to spend the gross product of a small African nation on clothes and the desire to then look like a product of said African nation.

Alright, I exaggerate. The average Britain spends £556 on clothes each year, apparently (yes I know this includes men but I'm picking on the ladies today...). I should be so lucky....I shop when I need to, spending as little time, energy and money as possible (unless it's formal work attire or a must have item...). With a low income I'm stuck in student mode. I look for bargains and still sport clothes from my school days (if its in good nick, I still like it and it still fits then why not?)...Most of my spare cash goes on my hobbies and into my savings...But I realise in relative terms, 550 quid is not that much (I just haven't inherited the hard nosed, shop-till-you-drop gene from my mother), surely we spend far more on consumer gizmos, holidays and fake tans...

Warning: sunbeds cause death. Pretty clothes I get. Tanning, however, is a mystery to me. Natural tans look good, for sure, but all you need for one of those is some time spent abroad or doing some old fashioned hard work in the great outdoors. But why look like a mutated carrot all year round? What ever happened to pale and interesting? To be fair, I understand not wanting to put milk white legs on show in an evening dress and self tan creams are harmless. But sunbeds are another story..

29 year-old Zita Farrelly, from Manchester, died recently after contracting skin cancer from using sunbeds. She was an extreme case - the young mother of two used her own personal sunbed twice a day for seven years. Quite what motivated this woman's obsession we'll never know but poor Zita should serve as a warning to others, temper your usage, or better yet spend your money on something else (like clothes). I'm alright, I got put off using sunbeds after watching Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels....

Some relief

After a night of emotional stress and broken sleep intermingled with freaky dreams it was marvelous to wake up to some good news. God speed Alan, home soon mate.

We're not getting any greener

A recent poll by Ipsos Mori has revealed that the majority of Britons are still not convinced of the effects of climate change. Have they looked outside recently?

The pollsters interviewed two thousands adults and found that issues such as terrorism, crime and other public violations were a greater priority to most people. That's hardly news, people will always place immediate problems as top priorities...Sure the planet's dying, maybe it is our fault but it'll still be around for hundreds of years at least, whereas the fortunate Jihadist might blow you up tomorrow.

But which one is a certainty?

Well, we're not even convinced about that...Despite consensus amongst the scientific community, 56 per cent of us wrongly think that there is debate over the destructive impact of human emissions. Wishful thinking won't make the issue disappear I'm afraid...

You can see how people might see climate change as an over-hyped, fashionable cause, what with celebrities and cool young things everywhere rushing to purchase environmentally friendly merchandise, especially if it broadcasts their hip young status. But the public has become so familiar with marketing and media over-exposure (and the apathy that it spawns) that it has become a convenient excuse to trot out instead of facing up to climate change. It's ironic that 21st century Britain, an globally savvy first world country that runs on information, prefers to refute the facts rather than bite the bullet and walk to work or chuck a carton in the recycling.

Don't get me wrong, nobody gets off Scott free - least of all myself. I enjoy a sport which involves planes going up and down all day purely so people can jump out - but to counter this shameless hedonism I recycle like a demon, support green initiatives and ruthlessly pressure others to do the same..

Mori's top researcher Phil Downing spelled out the painful truth: "On behaviour, we're taking some action, but only around the margins of our lifestyles and when it suits us - most of us remain fair weather environmentalists."

What an innuendo.

An eventful weekend

Typical, I step away from the computer for three days, banking on a quiet weekend, and al-Qa'eda rears its ugly head...

Browsing the papers this morning I'm relieved to see our lads are hot on the terror trail...We can only be thankful that in this instance the bombers were incompetent - but their failure will undoubtably spur on others. The timing is obvious, these attacks, had they caused the predicted carnage, were aimed to cripple the Brown government before it's even learnt to walk. Instead they serve as another, luckily bloodless, reminder - after the Midlands raids and foiled JFK attack - that extremist hatred towards the West is relentless...I wonder what will become of our civil liberties now? Does it matter as long as we're safe?

Oh well, as long as the airport restrictions are lifted before I go away then I'm alright...

But seriously, I hope our intelligence agents and counter terrorism teams are well paid (who knows?). We should all spare a thought to those unsung spooks who run up and down the country on the slightest hunch, monitor global traffic for days on end, or take the ultimate risk in going undercover to protect our way of life. Thanks chaps.

Will there be no end to furore over the smoking ban? It's been estimated that thousands of smokers lit up in pubs yesterday, a fine, stubborn sentiment but it will do you no good. Personally I would like to allow smokers their right to spark up in public, as long as they were seperated from non-smokers (smoking-only pubs for example). I do not agree with the government curtailing people's freedom of choice in particular places but still stocking the evil weed in every corner shop. However I do think that on health grounds the ban is a good thing, it will galvanise some smokers give up and keep 75 per cent of Britain's non smoking adult population happy. Will report back after my local pub quiz later in the week...

It was the final episode of Dr Who on Saturday, how am I going to cope without David Tennant for the next six months? They went out with a corker though, scary stuff...Full marks to John Simm for a performance to rival/compliment the Doctor, charismatic, kooky and downright evil...We'll see him again...

Oh and I watched a bit of the concert in celebration of Princess Di....It was a lovely gesture and though the crowd had all the atmosphere of a dead fish, the acts that I saw weren't too bad at all, especially Elton and Ricky Gervaise at the end. The Princes put on a good show too (shame Charles and Camilla couldn't make it..), mind you there was something mildly uncomfortable about watching the future heir(s) to the throne shaking their booty to Nelly Furtado...

Invasion of the rubber duckies...

I will not attempt to keep up with today's cabinet appointments - I'm sure Gordon's government will contain an eclectic mix of steadfast sensibles like Jack Straw and Alistair Darling and young stars such as David Milliband and Alan Johnson (along with the possibility of a couple of cross-party surprises). I did, however, do a little mental jig on hearing that two of Blair's most unbodacious babes won't be returning to the cabinet - bye Patricia, bye Margaret.

Despite her overbearing, school ma'am tones it's been rather hard for anyone to take Patricia Hewitt seriously over the past months. Heckled by nurses and hated by doctors, she has presided over mountains of red tape, debt, disease and dissent. She was a thoroughly misguided steward of our health service and she knew it, tendering her resignation before Brown could get to her. The best executive decision she has made this year.

Margaret Beckett was seen crying in the Commons yesterday as Mr Tony Blair gave his last speech as Prime Minister. Who says they were tears of sadness? I'd be more inclined to believe she was gushing with relief, seeing her impending sacking on the horizon: "Thank God you're off Tony, I can get the hell out of here". After her DEFRA debacle, ruining the livelihoods of numerous farmers, Mrs Beckett went on to be one of our most undistinguished Foreign Secretaries in recent memory. Ta ta, then.

Around 30,000 plastic ducks are bobbing their way happily towards our shores as I type...US Oceanographer Curtis Ebbesmeyer has been tracking the ducks since they were dumped into the Pacific during a storm 15 years ago. The "friendly floatees" have spent years surfing the world's currents, navigating Japan, America and the Arctic, soon to hit the UK. Pretty plucky if you ask me...Ok, so its not a BMW (re: Napoli shipwreck) but I wouldn't say no (I'd find any excuse to fly Virgin, you get mini-ducks!). Beachcombers lucky enough to spy one can claim a £50 award from the manufacturer. Alternatively they sell to collectors for ten times that amount. But I implore you, don't let these fearless fowl end up in the hands of profiteers, stick them back in the drink and let them roam our seas forevermore.

A woman in Cumbria has escaped jail after racking up £8,000 damages against her partner. Fed up with her fiance's boozing and laziness, Emma Thomason bundled Jason Wilson's possessions into his white van and sent it into the harbour at Whitehaven (presumably whilst he was down the pub). Women, eh? Any interesting revenge incidents out there?

Another new dawn...

I've just read Quentin Davies' resignation letter, handed to David Cameron yesterday as the veteran Tory MP jumped ship and joined Labour.

Mr Davies has been at odds with much of Dave's policy from the get go and has been in talks with Gordon Brown, we hear, for months. His defection, along with his public letter of resignation are expertly timed and executed. For a brief period Mr Davies will enjoy the spotlight and his very own sprinkling of Labour fairy dust. Gordon may not be the consummate showman that Blair was but as ever it's the quiet ones you've got to look out for. In reaching out to the liberals last week and helping to orchestrate Mr Davies' very public transition, patient Gordon is showing himself to be as politically savvy as his predecessor, with a nasty Machiavellian streak and the determination to annihilate the Tories.

How fast can you dance Dave?

Davies' letter comes across as almost childish, a personal attack on Mr Cameron, couched in one-sided bluster. Though I strongly agree with Davies' general sentiment - that the Conservatives are failing to send out a clear policy manifesto - I do not think that that the party has lost faith in itself or its leader. David Cameron appears committed to giving the Tory party its much needed make over, both inside and out. It's ironic that whilst Labour concentrates on tearing off the facade of the Blair years, the Conservatives are still trying to get cuddly with voters but why should this approach be ridiculed? Our social memory still views the Tories as the outmoded "hang 'em and flog 'em" party, Dave and his cronies have been working hard to catch up with Labour in the spin stakes, who can blame them? As for policy, the Tory line on social cohesion, public services and devolution is sound however their foregn policy and budgeting is anyone's guess.

I take this opportunity to wish both Mr Brown and My Blair well in their new lives. I look forward to a referendum soon.